Guest post by Mom:
I have been putting off writing this particular post for quite some time. I have eluded several times to a trial in our family and the stress it has put on us. I kept hoping that by the time I wrote it down that the trial would have a conclusion and that I could be ready to laugh about it, but it appears that is not the case. I need to write it down now before I forget some of the details.
In early December, the first Monday of December, in fact, Pete was let go from his job. It was rather abrupt, a little unprofessional, completely unexpected, and of course devastating. He had no idea that it was happening even though the HR contact was under the impression that he knew. Suffice to say, one of the things that brought about the end was that the company wanted someone local to San Jose, CA and didn't give us the option to move.
It was so scary. I was calm initially and then would have moments of panic and fear just overwhelm me as I was driving. How were we going to pay bills? I was accustomed to a paycheck. We weren't living quite paycheck to paycheck but it was dang close. I had just had a baby. Would we have insurance? Were we moving? How could I move? I love my life.
One of the first blessings we received was that his company offered us health insurance through the end of January. Pete also had four weeks PTO that would be cashed out and they were going to pay us through the end of December and give us a severance. All of those things added together meant that we had a cushion that would get us through at least two months. Pete and I were both confident he would have a job quickly. Pete more so than me. He had two interviews lined up the next day! It was even fun to imagine that we could be receiving what would feel like double paychecks.
But then the bummer news started happening. First, those two interviews kind of went nowhere. Then it was becoming quite obvious we would have to leave St. George and we are in love with our house and community. Plus, do you know what the worst time for hiring is? The end of the year. The last two weeks of the year are basically a holiday especially in HR. That's okay, we told ourselves, as soon as the holidays are over the jobs will start pouring in. Pete hadn't had to look for a job since he went to school to get his Master's. He even had a couple of recruiters who were going to be helping him look for work.
He attended the temple and we prayed very fervently. We kept things quiet with our kids for a little bit, but then Cara asked me one day if Dad had been "lad off". They clearly had been listening when we thought they weren't. Siena had also noticed quickly that Dad wasn't working every day. He worked from home so it wasn't very obvious other than we shipped his computer back to his company and he was hanging out with us. We opened up to our immediate families, but for the most part didn't tell friends. We kept hoping that it would resolve very quickly.
Initially, we both felt like we would have to move. Then Pete came back from a temple session feeling like we could stay, but it might mean a shift of focus. However, our bills are very real and we didn't know how we were going to pay them so we still sought work outside of St. George.
January brought a roller coaster of emotion. Pete ended up with three very strong prospects for jobs, but all of them had endless interview processes. The first was with a division at our church's headquarters in SLC, the second was with a translation company in Lehi, and the third was actually with Apple, ironically, in San Jose. All of those meant moving. I was so sad. Pete was kind of energized, but sad also. Each of the interviews strung along for three weeks. The church eventually invited Pete up for a final in person interview and he was told that they wouldn't do that unless he was almost guaranteed the job. The Lehi job ended up stalling because the company didn't expand quite how they were expecting and they basically wanted someone who didn't have as much experience, i.e. cheaper.
After three weeks, the church finally got back to us that they went with the other guy they had been considering. It was a low blow, especially because they took so long to reach their decision. I had never felt great about the job so I was a little bit relieved, but it meant we were back to square one so we were scared.
Apple pursued Pete a little bit and started explaining the compensation package to entice him. We had been hesitant to engage with them because we simply could NOT live in San Jose on what Pete was making. It was good money, but not Silicon Valley good. The homes there are $800,000 for our same house that we paid $155,000 for. Apple assured us that they would be compensating us better and it made it seem doable. Pete flew out to San Jose and had day long interview where he talked with over ten people. It was the final step and I was starting to figure out where we might be looking for houses and if I should tell people. At this point, it was already February. The first week in February. Then suddenly it was the third week in February and we hadn't gotten an offer. We were all sick with RSV even Sam. I couldn't even taste my food. We were looking at taking our Santa Claus present trip to Disneyland and I just couldn't BELIEVE we were still jobless. And then the word came that they had officially offered the job to someone else. We were stunned. And relieved in the same breath. I didn't have to pack up my house!
At this point though I was feeling so anxious and stressed. The money was going to run out. Luckily we had a great tax return, but we still needed a job. We had fasted three separate times as our extended family and still nothing.
I don't even know how much I want to talk about. Pete applied to work at Amazon in Seattle which is a big deal because I need sun. Once again, a position he was perfect for was given to someone else. It feels like we have met with opposition at every turn. I have heard stories of people being out of work for six months or a year, but I never imagined it would be us. We are still jobless at this point. I shouldn't say jobless. I have a job. I have still been teaching classes at Summit.
I know it seems dark. As I type it up, I feel myself sinking into the pit of seeing it in black and white and the scariness of it all, but we have been blessed and sustained and felt the hand of the Lord. I mentioned at the beginning, his severance package was quite generous. It bought us some time. I had made the decision in December to do a full tithe payment on all of it even though it felt wrong to pay a lot of money when we were going to need it most. Blessed. Just as the Apple job fell through, I asked for Pete to bring one of my brothers over to the house so that we could do some much needed priesthood blessings. I had them bless Sam because he had been suffering with RSV and needed to get better and then I had them give me a blessing of comfort and help. Both of those blessings have had a powerful effect. Sam started to get better and slept the best he had in awhile that night. The blessing for me has been even more profound. I have not been able to panic since the blessing. Even as job offers have fallen through I have felt peace and calm. I still get very frustrated with the Lord and his plan that I feel like He is keeping secret, but the moments are quite fleeting. There have been a few prayers that might be called a shouting match on my part, but I still feel strength even in my doubt. It's as if He is literally "helping my unbelief" which I did very specifically ask him for in more than one prayer.
Blessings have come in the form of government assistance. I have never had to use Medicaid or food stamps or WIC ever, but I am a testament to their purpose. Our family is able to be insured, Siena receives lunch at school, and I am able to buy fresh fruit and veggies because of WIC. Another unexpected blessing was that Pete qualified for unemployment. It does feel embarrassing to put that all out there for people to read, but we are in a time of need and I see the wisdom in the programs. Funny enough, we don't actually qualify for food stamps because our savings accounts are just large enough. Who knows, we might get there before this particular mountain is climbed though.
My grandmother, Marilyn, found out about our situation because as the time has gone on and it has been impossible to keep it secret. We have been much more forthcoming to friends. Anyway she and my grandpa suffered through this particular challenge more than once and I should have thought sooner to talk to her. She advised me to pay a double fast offering from whatever I had been paying. Both she and her sister, Connie, both had experiences where paying a double fast offering resulted in immediate blessings. It had never occurred to me to try a double fast offering. I had even actually decreased our offering thinking that we might actually end up being users of the fund. I followed her advise though and went right home and, because of the beauty of online donations now, I paid a double fast offering. If I'm being honest, I was hoping that it meant the very next morning Pete would receive a job offer but the deep skeptic in me also didn't BELIEVE it. Well he didn't get a job offer, but in the course of the week that followed the donation, I went from having five regularly scheduled classes on the schedule each week to having EIGHT. This barely touches our need for money, but it obviously helps. Plus, just as we though a lot of our job leads were drying up, Pete had three interviews and two or three more job prospects come on to the horizon.
Another blessing that I have felt in our lives is that one of Pete's cello students, who Pete told much sooner than he should have, ended up being a great connection to some odd job work. His dad has been able to send Pete a little work taking photos for his real estate appraisal business. Again, it's really not much money but it helps! Everything helps and it helps Pete feel like he is doing something at a time when it can feel very discouraging. I am forever grateful to Callee and Jeff Morley for this. I have felt inspiration as to telling our friends about our situation as the love has poured in. Which actually just reminded me of another time I felt sustained by the Lord! When I asked Marty to help Pete give me a blessing, I had actually put out a call for help on Facebook. I was a little vague, but basically told all my friends that I felt discouraged and beaten down and that I needed their prayers. It brings me to tears still to think of the responses I received. Three separate families brought us dinner, dozens of friends left comments and kind notes about how much I mean to them, and I FELT their prayers and their love. Our computer crashed that day which was the reason I begged for a blessing and their prayers and good energy. It was like the straw that broke the camel's back. When I think back to that day, I can feel the spiritual difference in my soul almost as if it was a distinct line. The computer thing turned out horrible. You'd think I would have learned my lesson when we lost all our photos back in 2013, but I didn't. I never bought a back up drive and once again we crashed a hard drive and lost our photos. I'm not going to think about just how much we lost. Luckily I'm what you might call an over poster on Instagram and Facebook and combined with this blog I think memories will be preserved, but I'm sure there are somethings I have lost forever. Well not forever. I have the hard drive and could pay someone a lot of money to try and recover the data. I'll keep it just in case whatever the Lord is making us wait for happens to come with a boatload of money. (I'm not holding my breath!)
Through this whole thing I have felt my spiritual compass be fine tuned. I have always doubted my ability to feel promptings from the Spirit or whether or not that thought was "from the Lord", but as this has gone on I am trusting my spiritual intuition more and have been able to point out and trust that it is the Spirit speaking to me. One such occurrence happened while Pete was camping with the girls over Spring Break, I was basically begging the Lord for Pete to receive the Amazon job even though it meant moving to Seattle which is the opposite climate of my happy place. (Sunshine!) As I prayed out loud, which I don't do very often, I basically felt like we would not be moving to Seattle. I found that frustrating and started praying that we could TURN DOWN the job, but not that we wouldn't be offered the job. I knew that it was more likely that he wouldn't be offered the job because I knew we wouldn't turn it down. How could we? I even text my sister and told her about my impression. I was hesitant to share it with Pete though because we had said a joint prayer before he left asking for the opportunity and telling the Lord we were excited to move. He must have known I was lying. :)
As I said, this mountain has not been summited yet. We are still in the most heinous part of the climb, but I have peace in my heart. Everyone's response to us is always in the vein of "you haven't found the right job yet" and don't worry "the Lord is preparing the right job" or something. That is the most frustrating thing to hear when you have NO IDEA when that job will come and it feels easy for the person who has a paycheck still to say to the person who will soon be out of money, but in reality, I know they are right. I'm not a patient person and apparently this is the only way the Lord can think to help teach me patience and to truly turn things over to him.
So if you are a reader of my blog and for some reason you didn't know, there it is. That's our mountain. Send a prayer our way for a job and I will gladly return the favor. I love you all!
